July 30, 2001

To: The Boys

Subject: Our Game

Recently, while watching “The Open,” I started to conjure up this epistle on Our Game.  It seems that your average Euro looks at a place like Lytham with dewed eyes and a slack jaw.  It’s beautiful, right?  All that heather, gorse, yawning bunkers with tall unplayable faces and humping, rolling fairways that send your ball every which way but straight.  It’s enough to make a Raptor throw up!

This painful memory was brought close to home yesterday when The Raptor visited the Crab Apple Club in order to cheer on Lakeview’s finest in their quest to qualify for The EDGA Amateur, soon to be held at the Kakawah Club.  I arrived at about 1:00 as the first participants were trudging up to the scorer’s table.  Needless to say, the scores were coming in around the mid 80’s.  It seems that Crab Apple has been treated like a redheaded stepchild by the Gods of Rain. 

The anguished players, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, related one horror story after another about tee balls struck down the middle of fairways bounding out of bounds as they watched helplessly from the tee.  Others commented on large, strategically placed “bushes” that ate up golf balls like the Tasmanian devil.  If the rock hard fairways and devilish bushes were not enough, there was also the mind numbing heather to contend with.  This then was hell on earth.  Conditions like this are truly loved by the Euros and truly hated by the Yanks.

In order to see for myself the cause of all this wailing and gnashing of teeth, I ventured down to Crab Apple’s “Amen Corner.”  Consisting of Holes 12 through 16, there couldn’t be a better example of hell.  Number 12 is a short par four.  Smack dab in the middle of the landing area for a well-struck drive exists the previously mentioned devil bushes.  On the right side of this bowling alley, the insidious heather waits patiently to gobble up poorly struck drives.  Anyone (except Mike Capotis and Bob Charles) hitting a duck hook will loose their drive into Jed Clampett’s jalopy as it heads on down the road to Dogpatch.

After negotiating 12, the golfer heads to the elevated 13^th tee.  What he sees is a corridor of scorched earth with trees to the right and left.  To add fuel to the fire, the woods on the left have been deemed out of bounds.  The hole is a dogleg; meaning that a well struck drive will end up bounding through the “fairway” to the woods.  If the golfer is lucky enough to find the “fairway” he then is faced with a lob wedge to a severely contoured green.  Par on this hole is considered by many to be equal to a birdie under any other circumstances.  What hurts the average golfer here is that while the fairways at Crab Apple are firm and fast, the greens are agonizingly soft and slow.  I spoke with many players who had up to seven three-putt greens.  The Raptor would be displeased indeed.

The 14^th hole at Crab Apple Ridge is also a short par four.  Once again it is guarded on the right by trees, boulders and other obstructions.  Hitting it center cut will result in a violent left kick with the ball ending up out of bounds.  The green is elevated and is extremely contoured.  My good friend Lou Natalie produced a magnificent par here that will long be remembered as one of the single greatest in the history of golf.

From the tee, Lou used a long iron which started right off the bat and ended up in deep do-do, near a goofy bench/deer stand located in Little Hope.  Lou, who is a master of the rules of golf, took relief from the deer stand under the patient guidance of Ronald Dominic DiSantis.  Then, in a brilliant stroke of genius, Lou grasped the cumbersome bench removed it from the deer stand and laced a brilliant wedge over hill, dale, tree and rock to settle a mere 40 feet from the flagstick.  Two putts later, Nats was in the jar with a hard earned par.

The 15^th hole is another terror.  A par three of about 165 yards, its downhill all the way.  Most golfers were striking seven irons with little success.  Hitting left, the golfer will find himself in dense foliage.  Going right could mean a bath in the Muskrat Pond.  That is if you happen to bone it bad enough to carom off one of Crab Apple’s patented “Rocky Road” cart paths.  They are so bad that gallstones lodged in your kidney will magically disappear from the vibration.

The final leg of Crab Apple’s Amen Corner is the uphill 16^th hole.  Also short, it can be reached with a well-struck fairway club.  Again, the green is enormous.  The humps and hollows surrounding this demon can strike fear into the hearts of normal men.  Par at this hole is a distinct possibility; a birdie can also be had.  However, the less than patient golfer could easily end up with a dreaded “other.”

To demonstrate how fickle the game of golf can be consider once again the fate of the previously mentioned Mr. Natalie.  After tiptoeing through Amen Corner with three bogeys and two pars, Lou found himself at five over par on the 17^th tee.  A pair of pars gives Nats a hard fought 77 and a sure bet to qualify.  However, Lou had other ideas.  On 17, he thrashed his way to a double bogey with little difficulty.  You will have to ask him all the gory details since by this time I had returned to the clubhouse for more beer.  He finished his round on the uphill 18^th hole with a bogey.

With a final score of 80, Lou was now facing the distinct possibility of missing the cut.  It’s got to be the worst feeling in golf.  Long five and one half hour round.  Golfing in the company of strangers.  Brutal course conditions.  Walking up and down hills, with hardpan as your roadway.  To walk off that 18^th green and make the long trek to learn your fate is a fate worse than death.  A careful review of the scorecard, then the handoff to the tournament chair who dutifully records your effort onto the tournament sheets.  The field of over 100 golfers to be reduced to the low 43 and ties. 

There were twelve representatives from our club who started at the first tee with hopeful expectation.  Of that total, six made the grade.  The scores were:

For the fortunate six, they play on another day.  For those who missed the cut, there are the questions.  What if?  For Lou Natalie it’s a victory tempered by the reality of how close he came to that fate worse than death.  For individuals like Doc Anderson and Anthony Pagliari, the what if’s continue to rumble through their mind.  A putt here, a chip there.  One stroke making all the difference.

At the end of the day, I’m filled with a lot of thoughts.  First, I would like to say that under normal circumstances, a course like Crab Apple Ridge has a lot more going for it than meets the eye.  It’s understandable that many of the 100 or so that tried to qualify were disgruntled by the harsh conditions.  It was bad luck indeed that put the course in such tough shape.  Without rain, the course is suffering it’s own fate worse than death.  Opinions may vary, but I don’t think that the facility should be denied future opportunities to hold events based solely on what happened today.

I can recall other courses such as Gospel Hill, Erie and Culbertson that have had similar conditioning.  It’s a fact of life.  This brings us back to the beginning of this letter.  Our Game.  That ride I took around Crab Apple made me think long and hard about how really great we have it at Lake View Country Club.

There is absolutely no comparison between heaven and hell.  I have long maintained that our club (and Our Game) is heaven.  It starts from the moment you drive up Route 89 and get your first glimpse of the grounds.  Perhaps some friends are beating balls on the range.  Maybe some of the staff is maintaining the old range.  Instead of a dusty, bumpy parking lot we are blessed with a smooth, well cared for paved one.  On most occasions a member of the staff will drive up with a cart to assist the members.  Getting a tee time is simple.  It has rarely been a problem for me to call a couple of hours in advance and get a same daytime.

The golf course is verging on spectacular.  The views of the lake on holes 8, 9, 11 and 13 are great.  The well-manicured fairways are the best in the area.  Perhaps even better than some courses in the Golf Digest Top 100.  Our greens are the best I have ever seen in over 18 years as a member.  The continued improvement in the course is evident in the extra effort that the greens crew is exhibiting.  Hand watered roughs, freshly rebuilt sand bunkers and lovely flower gardens add to our facility.  I for one am happy to be a member and happy to stroke that check, no matter how much it is.