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Originally Posted 06/07/2010
The Raptor has always been a big fan of the
Star Trek Brand and has numerous episodes archived…especially the
original series which was telecast between 1966 and 1969. One of
the most popular episodes included in the run was “A Piece Of The
Action” which dealt with the Enterprise visit to a planet known as
Sigma Iotia II.
The inhabitants of Iotia had been visited by
a survey mission of The Federation 100 years earlier and at that
time the crew of the mission had given some reading materials to
the Iotians including a book entitled “Chicago Mobs of The
Twenties”. This book had become viewed as a Holy Relic by the
Iotians and they had built an entire culture around it and
referred to it as “The Book”.
The leading gangsters of this culture were
Bela Oxmyx and Jojo Krako. At one point in the episode, Oxmyx
contacts the Enterprise and speaks to Mr. Spock. The dialog goes
something like this…
Oxmyx…”Hey, up there…you better come back
down to the planet…Krako has your boss (Captain Kirk) in a bag…”
Spock…”Why would he put a bag on my
Captain?”…
Oxmyx…”Kidnapped him…ya dope”…
Spock’s statement of naivety “Why would he
put a bag on my Captain” has always been a Raptor fav. I
repeatedly use the colloquialism when I view the naïve actions of
others and there are numerous situations when the phrase could pop
up in my consciousness.
Here is an example…The Raptor is a member of
Whispering Woods Golf Club and this Friday, June 11th,
the club is sponsoring a member guest invitational. Member Guest
events are a common practice in this region as they are all over
the place. The theory goes something like this…WWGC has a Member
Guest and the WWGC members “invite” guests from other golf clubs
in the region in order to conduct a tournament which includes
lunch, golf, dinner and awards.
The invited guest in turn reciprocates by
inviting the WWGC member over to his club for some subsequent
Member Guest being held there. This happens all the time. The
clubs in this region include Lake View, Lawrence Park, Lake Shore,
Kahkwa as well as Meadville CC and perhaps Corry CC.
There is a very critical pecking order here
and the rotating group of “players” who participate in this
process are in a select bunch. Unfortunately, the membership
roster at WWGC is smallish with only perhaps 75 who are regular
players. As a result attempting to conduct a Member Guest is
tricky since the prospective WWGC member is bound to ask himself
(in parody to the naïve statement uttered by Spock…”Why would I
want to invite someone to WWGC?)
Well…there are a number of reasons. First,
is the reciprocal…if the WWGC member can invite someone to the
home club; he has a chance to get an invite somewhere else.
Unfortunately, another aspect of this whole conundrum is that most
of the members of WWGC have no friends. In most cases the WWGC
members have developed into a bunch of ball hawking trolls who
prefer to spend their time searching ravines and creeks for Pro
V1’s rather than promoting a harmonious golf club.
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Example Of a WWGC "Hazard" - the 12th
Hole - Home To many Lost Pro-v1's! |
This is also known as a “zero-sum trade
off”. Work with The Raptor here. WWGC is the ultimate golfer’s
utopia. The course is fairly well groomed. The members can play
any time they want as there are virtually no exclusionary days.
The cost per year for the member is $2,000.00 and this includes
your cart. The member can bring just about any sort of food or
beverage onto the grounds with out being questioned. I suppose a
crafty member could even keep a supply of cold beer in their car
and dip into it without being found out...this is also known as
"The Burnside Gambit".
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Another Example Of A Treasure Trove For
Ball Hawkers - The "Raptor's Ravine" At the 12th Hole of
WWGC |
Each round played brings the WWGC member
closer to “zero-sum”. Once a member reaches about 40 - 18 hole
rounds played, they have reached a “break even point” After that,
the cost per round calculation brings them closer to “zero-sum”.
By factoring in the finding of Pro-V1’s and playing upwards of say
80 to 100 rounds…the cost per round dips into the rarified
territory of say…$25.00 per round…are you kidding me?...Why would
I want to invite a guest to my club?. Consider this, The Raptor
started playing organized rounds this year around March 15th…I
have now played in excess of 30 - 18 hole rounds! I will reach
break even by the middle of June and I will still have 4 and ½
months to work towards “zero-sum”!!!
If a WWGC member took a chance on inviting a
guest, first he would face the real crisis of a reversal of
“zero-sum”... Obviously, there is a $120.00 out of pocket fee to
pay. This is the cost of the tournament. Then there would be
additional funds expensed for small stuff like tips or bets, and
the “zero-sum member” may even be forced to actually talk to
another human being and perhaps suspend ball hawking activities
for the day.
This can be a problem as there could very
well be some covert ball hawking going on by others which could
potentially deny a prospective zero-sum member a Pro-v1
opportunity…total and utter devastation awaits!
Another reason to invite someone to WWGC is
to “showcase” the facility. After all, WWGC now has a nice
driving range and there is the ultra posh “Asphalt Bar and Grill”
complete with TIKI bar to provide the fluids for the “inner man”.
Unfortunately, there are virtually no members who are attempting
to approach zero-sum who will also use the driving range since
that would require an additional out of pocket expenditure of
perhaps $100.00 to $150.00…this is bound to cause a zero-sum’s
“Johnson” to “turtle”. In addition, the driving range is somewhat
provincial in that the managers periodically move the hitting zone
back to the hard mat area in order to provide some healing to the
turf area. This promotes a paraphrase of the Spockism to: “Why
would I want to use the driving range?”!!!
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The "Asphalt Bar & Grill" |
A third reason to participate in the Member
Guest is the camaraderie theory. This is the hardest thing to do
in the world. It requires an actual personality to interact with
normal people, especially when you have developed a “zero-sum”
personality. Normal people will consider your zero-sum
shenanigans to be obtuse. Obtuseness is a colloquialism for
“round at the sharp edges”…alas sharpness is not a trait of the
zero-sum operative.
A fourth reason to participate in the
Member-Guest is that it is a tournament and you can actually “win”
something. That promotes a feeling of accomplishment. This is the
greatest feeling in golf. For the average Joe, winning something
at golf is impossible…right? The game is difficult. Hitting
quality golf shots is rare…Ben Hogan stated that he hit few
perfect shots – there was always a slight error. And
putting?...virtually no one is an excellent putter 100% of the
time. So, if an approach on a par three happens to land next to
the hole or maybe a few putts drop the potential exists for
someone to be a “winner”
Unfortunately, zero-sum members are already
winners. They have nothing else to prove. Nothing else to gain
since they have done it all. Plus, since the Member Guest is a
handicapped event there is always the real possibility that the
outcome is resolved through some sort of golfing “voodoo” which
eliminates real skill in favor of some contrived calculation which
benefits the unskilled. And there is the rub. There is a large
percentage of WWGC members who are “competitive”. As a result,
they abhor a handicapped competition since the benefit flows to
the common “chop”. As a consequence…“Why would I want to put a
bag on my captain?”
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