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May 1st, 2012 - Weekend Update...
Good Morning,
It is to laugh. After what could be considered the finest start
to any golf season in the last 25 years, The Raptor has been
reduced to a shell of his former self...the foot infection which
I developed two weekends ago is starting to fade away and the
two wounds, Obama and Romney are healing ever so slightly. The
Raptor ventured out onto the grounds of WWGC somewhat
tentatively on this past Sunday and played some of the "easier"
holes and was gratified to have the chance.
Unfortunately, paranoia is a constant friend and The Raptor was
half expecting the brief visit to have dastardly effect. But,
with that being said...it was sure nice to whack a Rockitbalz on
hole number 6 to within about 15 feet and as usual by not
attempting all the putts, The Raptor was able to venture to the
Pro's Table with dignity.
This past weekend included some lengthy frost delay and this
threw all the logistics into a tizzy. This dog eat dog world
has made it very difficult if not impossible to live the
ultimate dream...what is the ultimate dream? Well for The Raptor
it is to arrive at the golf course quite early and stay quite
late...and all the while shirking any and all responsibilities
to exist in a real world of lawn care, car washing, garage
cleaning, window washing, kiddie sporting events and general
brooding while spouse's MF you for getting home 17 minutes past
curfew and then they go to the spa for a workout with their
"masseuse"...after which they come home and award you with "the
silent treatment".....geeeezzzzeeee!
Since The Raptor was Golf Challenged on Sat, The Raptor went
insead to work (I just threw up in my mouth), and got a lunch
date with Dad as a result. While enjoying a fine Cheeseburger at
the Maennerchor, The Raptor bumped into a LVCC member who made
some small talk about my Frankenstein Like Walking Boot and
asked how things were going up at WWGC.
This must be some sort of similar situation when two bucks
encounter each other in the woods and proceed to stamp hooves
and butt antlers. So, dumbly, The Raptor said "Whispering Woods
is nice...it's in the best shape I have seen it for this time of
year since it opened"... "Oh really"...LVCC member said..."I
talked to a guy who played there a couple of weeks ago and he
said it's in terrible shape"... well...gee I guess he told
me...but it left me kind of depressed. It's as if The Raptor is
getting punished for having the temerity to even play at WWGC.
The Raptor let it go though since I knew better. I don't think
the guy had ever even played at WW. I might be blinded by the
fact that I go there every day but whenever I do it is an
enjoyable experience which is elevated by the folks who happen
to be around. so thanks for that.
As a matter of fact, just yesterday The Raptor worked with
daughter, Andrea to bring the Mercyhurst College Womens Golf
Team up to The Woods and no one seemed to complain about the
condition of the course. But interestingly enough, the evening
dinner discussion with the players and a coach turned once again
to the lack of a clubhouse. This theme comes up again and again
and it sure is a hot button issue. I am strating to believe
that WWGC should not build a clubhouse just to stick it in the
craw of everyone who wants a clubhouse.
I mean what is the big deal? who among us joins a golf club to
use the clubhouse? It's the golf course that draws the
interest. How bout a compromise here. The past few weeks I have
seen hardly anyone in our existing clubhouse...what? if there
was a building overlooking the golf course would folks suddenly
start sitting around there sucking up bottomless cokes
and squeezing mustard out of the small packages in liew of the
sandwich?
I will tell you what a good barometer would be...there is a club
event coming up on May 12th. I will bet you that it will not be
supported by at least half of the 50 to 60 players who frequent
the course on Sat and Sun morning. Can u believe that just
because there is some food involved (clubhouse) that it would
preclude someone from opening up the communion fund to remove a
couple of $20's? I will support it though and I can't even
play! We shall see.
The Raptor
April 19th, 2012 - The LVCC Practice
Facility...
Good Afternoon,
The Raptor found himself out at Lake View CC (LVCC) last August
22, for the annual CPA Golf Tournament (won by Dave Hewett, with
The Raptor finishing a distant 5th due to diminished skills) and
while prepping for the shotgun start snapped a picture of the
nearly finished "Practice Facility" which occupies the spot
which was at one time the Driving Range. Normally The Raptor
would embed the photo but AOL is being a little testy today. So
you will have to imagine the beauty...
This new facility is a wonderful addition to an already awesome
golf club and it is sure to create a buzz when it officially
opens, later this year.
It had dawned on The Raptor while lunching with long time golf
pal, Tom Bean that this facility and it's four "practice greens"
(Is there four?), need some names. This is for several reasons
but most importantly to create some long term recognition for
the valiant members who shouldered the responsibility of making
Lake View great.
Go back with The Raptor to the early 1980's when the Practice
Facility was still a driving range for some background. For
those of you who can remember, the range was in that location
perhaps to the middle 1990's but in 1983 it was of constant
concern over the periodic missiles which flew off the less
accurate woods of the day and placed many a car out on Route 89
in peril. There are no doubt countless stories of little old
ladies and big skinhead biker types who were beneficiaries of a
cracked winshield courtesy of a wicked hook (or slice if hit by
Mike Capotis) delivered by one of Lake View's finest. Then
there are other stories of unfortunate SOB's who took a shot to
the nogin while waiting on the 8th tee...The Raptor liked
equating the 8th as "The Killing Field". There are still other
stories of the shots which smashed into the old half way house.
There were only a few "big hitters" who could pull off the half
way house...there are probably a few anecdotes of some
unfortunate wedding party attempting to get a group shot at the
gazebo that got peppered by someone (more than likely on
purpose)....
The Raptor recalls vividly the lament of past Board Member Bob
Munson (who was also an insurance agent) talking about this
subject at annual meeting(s). One member (name unknown)
suggested putting up a sign at the range which would somehow
indemnify the club from liability and Bob said "you can't sign
away your liability"...rim shot please...
Anyhow, the LVCC membership and Board breathed a sigh of relief
when the new range was constructed...for the most part.
Naturally there were some who complained about THAT range
putting players on hole #10 in peril...it's a Catch 22.
Now fast forward to the present. Not only do the practice
facility holes need names but the facility itself needs a name
so why not call it "The Robert Munson Memorial Practice
Facility" or The Munson for short. Then, the holes could be
named for legenday members like Weinheimer, Spicher, "Mad Dog"
and Krull. Conversely, instead of members, the names could be
comprised of LVCC Head Professionals such as Wargo, Kaye, Clover
and Crane....well....let's skip that idea. But, it is most
important to note that a special meeting of the bylaws committee
should be called to make sure not to name any of the
holes....Carlotti....
I guess I like to bring back Bob Munson on this story as it is a
foregone conclusion that golf balls are once again going to end
up out on Route 89. Tom suggested that a shot of 125 to 150
yards is possible by going from the area close to the green by
hole 18 all the way to the hole that is close to the edge of the
driving range near 89. So, in a future scenario, you could have
say....Rick Carlotti standing by at Spicher while Dave Hewett is
plying his game up yonder at Mad Dog and Rick decides he has had
enough of Dave's birdie barrages so he decides to send out a
little "chin music" but inadvertently "bellies" an eight iron
which rockets out onto 89, where it caroms off of Ellery
Tarbells new Ferrari Dino....Ellery, startled by the
encroachment veers out of control and plows into the house over
the hill and takes out that guys kitchen...hhhhhhmmmmm....this
could get interesting!
The Raptor
April 10th, 2012 - Masters Update...
Good Afternoon,
As I write this I am scanning my predictions on The Masters and
I have determined that I gave Bubba Watson a 40% chance of
winning The Masters Toonament last weekend. It is compelling to
note that The Raptor gave Louis Oosthuizen a 10% chance.
Interestingly enough, The individuals with the greatest chance
of winning such as Donald, McIlroy, Westrwood, Dustin Johnson,
Phil Mickelson, Tiger Woods and Zack Johnson were for the most
part non factors in this years event.
Mickelson certainly showed The Raptor a thing or two as did
Freddy Couples. The Raptor also had Lee Westwood on his list of
potential winners and Lee did not disappoint. He played to an
eventual tie for 3rd place with the previously mentioned
Mickelson along with Matt Kuchar and Peter Hansen. Westwood
seemed to be battling with a balky putter and his Friday and
Saturday scores were 73 and 72 respectively.
Augusta National was in fine shape and Bubba is a strong
Champion.
Here is Bubba receiving congratulations from Augusta National
Chairman, Billy Payne after donning "The Green Jacket". It's
the coolest thing that can happen to a player of this game.
In other news, the annual Masters Party held at Skeeters on
Friday, April 6th, was a decent turnout and The Raptor had a
great time catching up with the gang. Thanks to all of you who
stopped by! and thanks to Skeeter for hosting the event...
Finally, The Raptor has been alerted that an imposter "The
Raptor" has been in the news today. The Raptor would like to
state publicly that he is NOT "The Raptor" who is taking down
Al-Qaeda chat rooms...you can see my official reaction at
www.theraptor.com
The Raptor
April 2nd, 2012 - Weekend Update...
Good Afternoon,
Many of you may recall that way back in about the end of
January, The Raptor sent out an email/text message of
encouragement telling everyone to get ready for Saturday March
31st in order to christen a new golf season up yonder at WWGC.
Well, as it turned out the season opened a month ago and
Saturday's weather was perhaps the worst "golf weather" The
Raptor has played in!
With temperatures hovering in the mid 30's and a wind chill of
about 28 degrees there were few hearty souls capable of putting
in an 18 hole test. However, that didn't stop The Raptor and
his playing partners Lou, Jason and Pat for completing the
round. Congratulations go out to some real men.
Sunday, the weather was "better" but it still was a tad cold and
there were some showers in the area. Logistics were confounded
by a marginal 2 hour frost delay but it didn't stop certain
players from executing a "case study" The golf was suspect as a
result but the yucks were excellent!
Our thoughts now turn to the upcoming Masters Golf Toonament and
as usual The Raptor is sponsoring a party at Skeeters Clubhouse
on Friday April 6th starting at 4PM....yes...I know that that is
Good Friday but it should be noted that according to the dogma,
the main event ended at about 3PM Jerusalem time when some
thunder and lightning occurred and a great curtain was torn in
the Temple. So perhaps for those who need to get in a little
worship, you can head to the church from 12 noon to 3 and then
stop by Skeeters. It is apparent that The Toonament Organizers
pay no attention to matters of faith or they wouldn't schedule
the event on Easter weekend....geeeezzzzeee...but consider
this...Jim Nantz will be in rare form come Sunday as he voices
his solemn intonations about the "Cathedral In The Pines"
Weather will also be a factor as the temps will be crawling into
the 50's Friday with some bright sunshine...this could diminish
the turnout at Skeeters as players try to get in some golf at
their favorite club!...oh well!
In order to get some additional perspective, The Raptor cobbled
together some mish mash at
www.theraptor.com . This weeks piece is on why I do not
consider The Masters a major tournament win. Enjoy! and hope to
see you at Skeeters! March 23rd, 2012 - I Would If I Could...
Good Morning,
As The Raptor was picking up this mornings paper as 6:50AM I was
struck by the memory of the classic Rogers and Hammerstein
Musical "Oklahoma". The stage play was produced in 1943 and 12
years later the film was released starring Gordon McCrae and
Shirley Jones. The opening scene features McCrae belting out
his rendition of "Oh What A Beautiful Morning"
Yes...The Raptor felt like singing this morning. It was
perfect...sun was rising in the East...little or no
breeze...temp at 50 degrees...a perfect Beautiful Morning. And
it would have been that much better if The Raptor could have
made the drive to WWGC rather than "work". Let's face it...If I
could golf every day, I would. Whispering Woods is such a
setting.
Now that the fairways and sand bunkers are groomed and the
putting surfaces have been cut the facility is almost perfect.
Oh, don't get me wrong I am sure that the malcontents out there
have a lengthy list of grey areas to grouse about. but let's
face it...to be having this kind of conditioning on the first
day of Spring as opposed to Memorial Day is
unprecedented. Naturally there will be other maintenance
procedures and if the weather continues to improve this could
shape up to be the kind of season that you looked back on and
concluded that it was a good move to have joined WWGC to play
golf this year.
Not only is the golf course in great shape but the animal life
is thriving too. The facility has turkey, deer and geese
aplenty
The turkey have not been too visible this season but they may be
close by. Once they show up though, it is great to see them
stroll the grounds as if they know exactly what we are doing out
there. I know in his heart, PGA Pro Richard Rocky would like to
keep a gun in his golf bag and shoot those poor SOB's into
oblivion...perhaps its a good thing that he can't
Recently, while carting to the 18th tee, The Raptor encountered
a group of deer...chilling on the grass land near the 16th tee.
Just like the turkey...the gave a cursory glance to make sure
we were golfers and not hunters and casually walked towards
The Raptor's Ravine for a cold drink.
Then there is the story of the geese. These creatures are so
misunderstood. They are ubiquitous to the region and seem
harmless but who amongst us does not despise their very
existence...
They certainly are unique as they waddle around...male and
female protecting their spawn...a spawn that will
programmatically return here some day to extend the great
circle of life and make Whispering Woods the great place it
is.
Yes...it is a beautiful morning
The Raptor
March 21st, 2012 - The Circus Is In
Town...
Good Morning,
The Raptor had a chance to go up to WWGC yesterday and was
pleased to discover that the Awning Shop had "erected" the
multi-purpose Circus Tent, Cart Barn, Snackatorium and sectional
Asphalt Bar and Grill.
One of my playing partners made the observation that the tent
really looks cool as it is polished to a high luster and makes
the joint look alive. Spring has sprung!....Summer is here and
talk is turning once again to thoughts of how to convert the
venerable double wide trailer and tent into a permanent
clubhouse which fits the environment but provides a facility
where disgruntled users can suck down bottomless diet pop and
munch on delicious tossed salads all the while attempting to get
to a zero-sum membership.
If you converse with anyone who spends a lot of time at WWGC,
they are DESPERATE for a clubhouse. While there is no
preconceived notion as to how the clubhouse should look it would
have to have any and all traditional amenities which are
available at other golf clubs in the area. At minimum these
include: ProShop, Club Storage Room, Cart Storage, Men's and
Women's Locker Room with Shower Facility and Sauna, Dining Room,
Grill Room, Comprehensive Kitchen, Patio(s), Picnic Pavilion,
Office space for management etc.
How to solve this riddle is a serious problem...on one hand if
the facility is built with all the amenities listed, the cost
could be so onerous as to bankrupt the operation into oblivion.
Perhaps a subtle approach is called for...start with a couple of
the amenities and add on as interest grows. That certainly
doesn't help any one who is alive today. It could be years
before any meaningful clubhouse is finished.
Are there options...probably but unfortunately it seems that in
order to pull this off a "Spartan" approach would have to be
utilized. What would Spartan entail? here goes...
For starters, the primary reason to build a clubhouse is for
bragging rights. If a building were to be constructed that met
the expectations of the present gentry, these users could
exhibit a pride which could be used to dump on other facilities
in the region...and that's the rub right? If you WERE at a club
like LVCC or Lake Shore you want to have SOMETHING to hang your
hat on besides a double wide and a circus tent...otherwise you
could have stayed at the other joint!
So, if the double wide approach is utilized and a unit is
perched up on the knob overlooking hole #18, there would exude a
certain level of disappointment as the existing users would feel
uncompelled to utilize it. It's not that the bottomless drinks
would be warmer or the delicious tossed salads would be
wilted...it just would not be cool. After all, a user who is
also trying to obtain zero-sum membership could just as easily
pack a couple of beverages and some foodstuffs in their trunk.
This is also known as "The Burnside Gambit"
So, in compromise, The Raptor proposes the following...keep the
present Double Wide and make sure to put a nice sign on it that
specifically refers to it as a "Clubhouse". Convert the Tent to
a permanent "Multipurpose Pavilion" - for a model of this visit
Riverside Golf Club...then to placate a few frequent users build
another smaller Multipurpose Pavilion up on the knob overlooking
hole #18.
Instead of dumping a lot of cash into a building no one will
use, put the money into the golf course. And as far as the
residents of the sub division go - avoid the attempt to drag
them onto the grounds for sandwiches and drinks...it would be
just awful to see a bunch of young kids drinking out of sippie
cups and eating chicken fingers while I was trying to conduct a
meeting at the Pro's Table.
March 19th, 2012 - Ostraka...
Good Afternoon,
The Raptor has to laugh....maybe even LOL or ROFLOL. I know now
that these messages are contrary to a normal state of well
being. But there is a solution...ancient Greece was know for a
number of accomplishments such as the Parthenon, Triremes and
humping little boys. In addition, the Greeks had a method for
dealing with malcontents which was known as "Ostraka" or
Ostracism in American.
The Greeks determined as long ago as about 600 BC that certain
individuals were so problematic that the only way to rid
themselves of trolls was to vote them out of the community for
10 years by handing the poor SOB a Ostraka stone. Once message
was received the recipient had to gather his things, hang head
low and shuffle off to the county side or perhaps Sparta. But,
on the bright side, the ostracized individual could return in 10
years. Interesting enough...one of Ancient Greece's greatest
hero's...Themostocilies...was ostracized after he led Greece to
a huge military victories over Darius of Persia in a battle at
Marathon and Salamis in about 490 to 480 BC.
So, if need be...the group could very well vote The Raptor the
same fate. After all, there has to be someone out there who can
lead this crew...in the meantime, I just thought up some more
reasons for ending up playing in Mr. Dumas's
group...please...when you get a chance to get in a game with The
Raptor...use some common sense. Avoid making statements which
as sure to piss The Raptor off...in your mind these could be
innocent probing questions designed to expand your knowledge of
the universe but as far as The Raptor is concerned they are just
loosely crafted pre-conscious thoughts that should be suppressed
rather than uttered.
This technique was first utilized by GOP icon Ronald Reagan and
lead to certain dumb statements such as "trees cause pollution"
or "ketchup is a vegetable". So to sum up...here are a few
softballs which could go a long ways towards a
re-invite..."hello" "nice shot" "sit" "good bye" but...if you
decide to say something like "it's hard to believe you can hit
it that far with that half swing" or "do you think you can get
there with that 5 wood" The Raptor may freak out....next
stop...Mr Dumas.
March 19th, 2012 - Only The Strong
Survive...
Good Morning...
Wow! What a weekend! While The Raptor was saddened and
disappointed that A Cart Path Rule was in effect, The Raptor
still managed to show up and represent. The Saturday match did
not go well as disabilities contributed to a faltering finish.
By the time The Raptor got to hole 18, the soft turf and lengthy
strolls from cart path to tee ball left The Raptor out-of-gas!
Then, imagine my chagrin when I discovered that the Turf Care
Crew had placed the blue tee box on hole #18 as far back as is
humanly possible and still have a stance with out having one
foot off the box!...Needless to say, the carry to get over Dumas
Ditch on hole 18 is about 200 yards from there and The Raptor
being scared of the obvious hit a gawd awful drive that didn't
even get past the red tee box - which is about 150 yards from
the blue tee box. Two Rocketbalz later I picked up in shame and
headed for the Pro's Table...
Moving up to the White Tee Box on Sunday was a world of
difference. It sucks to be old...and fat...and drunk...and
stupid...
Now, on to news of the day. It seems that the venerable "fivesome"
(which was developed to placate the "Gang of Six" several
seasons ago) has been given the last rights. I suppose this is
as equitable of a rule as is possible. Fivesomes are not good
under most circumstances. And this was proven again on Saturday
as a group of five hit it at 8:20 and stumbled into the
"Mulligan's Bar and Grill" about 4 hours and 15 minutes later.
It was doubly problematic since the first two groups had
finished about an hour earlier. By throwing the cart path rule
into the mix and some early season cob webs, the pace of play
was a tad slow...
There is no doubt that a group of five capable and savvy players
could meander around WWGC in 4 hours...but the early groups need
to know better...four hour rounds on Sat and Sunday morning when
u r the third or fourth group out are bogus. Three and one half
hours should be the goal! Again....if you can't play fast move
back to the 11:00 with Mr. Dumas. Skip the ball hawking...quit
fretting over two foot putts...play ready golf...skip the pre
shot routine...avoid walking around the putting green like a
Tiger, looking at the putt from four angles...skip those
multiple practice swings...especially when you dig up turf off
of a tee! There is nothing that frosts my balls more than
seeing someone hacking away on a tee and then slicing the gawd
dam ball into the woods! geeeezzeee! And yardage devices?
pleezeeee...If you are so freaking dumb that you have to pull up
next to a freaking 150 yard post and scope your approach you
should be teeing it up at 11:00 with Mr. Dumas. Face it -
you are not a pro - quit trying to act like one! It's obvious
that the pro's all play at Lake View now...that's where the good
players are!
Only The Strong Survive at WWGC - The Weak go elsewhere where
they can sniff and cough all day long. The Strong can go out
and shoot 90 and laugh about it...the Weak go out and shoot 80
and the piss and moan cause the can't break an egg...their
solution is to join some pitch and putt course where Drivers and
Wedges are the only clubs necessary...sniff cough...then they
use some silly rationale that they had a "buddy" that could save
them some money....LOL!...looking forward to staying Strong
March 16th, 2012 - It's Go Time God Speed...
As the end of day is approaching and it will soon be time to
start Happy Hour...I wanted to send out a general message of
warmth and kindness to all those who are preparing to assault
the environs of WWGC in the next few weeks.
Golf season has come early to Erie and as a result this weekend
is promising to be a great start to the what appears to be a
LONG season. The Raptor has already sent out the assignments
for "The Roster" for Sat and I have filled 6 foursomes for
Sunday. Sunday assignments are being kept confidential till Sat
afternoon. As usual a few hiccups have occurred and natually I
am sorry to those individuals who have been or are about to be
inconvenienced by my decisions.
Critical decision number one involves the weekend skin game. In
an effort to develop some early season buzz - I am going to
conduct a skin game both Sat and Sun and make the necessary
awards next weekend. So there will be a registration sheet in
the pro shop - you should sign up in advance. It is my belief
(and opinion) that I may not be present at the club on a 24/7
basis so we shant be having certain individuals hold back their
registration until after the round to avoid a donut if they play
bad. Also, I am going to get together with other interested
parties and try to figure out if we can incorporate pari-mutual
wagering in the weekend games...
As far as rules go, we shall play winter rules in your own
fairway. We will not be playing "jungle" rules. If you happen
to hit a shot off line, and are in a Gawd awful lie - shame on
you. Wedge it back to the fairway and clean the mud off your
ball. I tend to keep it in the fairway and I am a crippled 56
year old fat tub of crap.
If you have to call me with a rules question - I will certainly
attempt to answer it - then I will flatten your tires with a
dart gun. Were talkin about a $10.00 game here people.
Pairings...for about 99% of The Roster pairings are a breeze.
It's the 1% that is giving me a headache. Please...get your shit
together. I am sick of getting pings about slow play! If I
have to start instructing personel on how to play this game - I
will go green and start swinging! Cut out the extraordinary
crap And hit the gawd dam ball! and stick that yardage device up
your bass! Quit playing Pro V1's and go buy some cheap
Pinnacles If you hit a shot so far off line that it is
definately lost take a six and drop a ball in the fairway. If
you loose a few eggs put your name on them and maybe you will
get them back....geeeezzzze!
Regarding any special request to "play early" figit about
it!....special requests will automatically get you sent to the
"Dumas" Group...he tees off every Sat and Sun at 11:00.
Finally, if you are unhappy with an assignment and you decline
the pairing, I will move you over to Mr. Dumas's group.
July 31st, 2011 - What's The Big Deal
On Green Speed...
Happy August…it was another thrilling week up
yonder at WWGC and there is lot’s to talk about so let’s get
started.
July turned out to be a very accommodated
month if you were a golfer in Erie, PA. Consider this…The Raptor
played 24 complete rounds in 31 days and I was sadly disappointed
that I had taken off the 7 days. Yes gang it is possible to play
golf “any day that ends in y”
The Raptor would like to give out special
recognition to perhaps one of the greatest six hole COD
performances in recorded history…on Wednesday, July 27th,
2011 The Raptor matched up with Lew McClain, Sr., Lew McClain, Jr.
and Gary Ebach and the final match paired Lew, Jr. and Gary E.
against The Raptor and Lew Sr.
The fireworks started immediately when Gary
holed a lengthy put of over 45 feet on Hole 13 which earned him a
“poley” skill prize…since he had to punch out his second shot from
the woods and had went through some histrionics when he clubbed
his approach to the putting surface…his low key reaction to
dropping the bomb was understandable.
The group moved over to the 184 yard 14th
Hole which was slightly downwind with the flagstick located in the
front right quadrant of the putting surface. The Raptor, hitting
first, hit a perfect approach using his brand new Burner
Superfast. The Raptor’s technique here is to saw off the impact
and put the ball high in the air to allow for a soft landing.
This was accomplished in dramatic fashion and the ball ended up
below the hole, about 15 feet…
Gary E hit his approach on a similar
trajectory but ended up about 20 feet from the hole…slightly to
the left of The Raptor. Lew Sr. hit a decent approach but failed
to reach the putting surface…Lew Jr. hitting last, hit a perfect
high 6 iron which landed INSIDE The Raptor’s ball about 7 feet
from the hole! What a shot!...Lew Sr. playing first, almost
chipped in and settled for a par three. Ebach, then took dead aim
and dropped his putt for a critical bird and his second poley in
as many holes!...The Raptor putting next made a valiant effort but
failed to covert on his birdie try and Lew Jr.
uncharacteristically missed his short putt as well…
Ebach continued to amaze on holes 15 and 16
making lengthy putts each time for additional poley awards and it
appeared that his poley string was about to end on hole 17 when he
left his approach short…all he did next was to chip in which
technically qualifies to run his skill award count to 5…the final
hole was a let down of sorts for Ebach as he unceremoniously
dumped his approach into the hazard…but Lew Jr. took up the slack
by canning a lengthy birdie putt to totally dominate the match and
pick up a 6th award with another poley! This
represented a previously unheard of milestone and was the talk of
the pro’s table after the match.
The irony in all of this poley talk is the
continuing struggle to develop some green speed during the hot
months at WWGC…it seems that the putting surfaces have a
propensity to grow at epic proportions during the course of the
day and by the end of the day are somewhat “shaggy” However, The
Raptor has noticed something which may be contributing to this
issue.
During the spring, the turf care crew
performed an airification process and it appears that the grass
which is growing from those “plug holes” is a different color and
texture that the grass in the putting surface. The new grass
seems to grow faster that the old grass and so the putting
surfaces become pocked by thousands of “nubs” during the course of
the day which may be promoting slower green speeds. While it’s
probable the Raptor is wrong on this issue, I just wanted to place
my observation into the aether to let it develop into a discussion
topic.
Here are some additional observations.
First, WWGC plugged the putting surfaces in the spring and as a
result, they were marginal for several weeks subsequent to that.
The portion of the season when they are generally healthy and
capable of being mowed at a lower mower height came and went with
no reasonable increase in speed.
Once the hot humid weather materialized in
late June, the putting surfaces were noticeably slower…this seems
to fly in the face of reason and tends to create a dissonance from
the consumer. If there was one issue that may make of break a
player’s determinations it may be green speed. If the greens are
slow, players make avoid taking a game there considering it to be
a waste of capital.
Now it’s August and it’s still hot but
temperatures are schedule to be lower this week…this may be a good
sign but with September just around the corner, and a planned
maintenance schedule sure to include the greens, the season is
technically about the next couple of weeks. There has to be a way
around this…I we could land a man on the moon we should be able to
mow putting greens to a desirable height in June, July and
August….how do they do this in North Carolina?...here is the recap
in a nutshell...everyone is wondering why it's always dead at
WWGC...is the course hard?...absolutely...will they ever build a
clubhouse?...probably not...how are the greens?...slow.
Shot making is one thing but putting is a
whole different matter...as long as the greens are slow, players
will keep playing at Elk Valley
June 6th, 2011 - Feed My Envelope...
Robert Gates, United States SecDef was in the news yesterday.
Secretary Gates was over yonder in Afghanistan visiting with the
troops and during the course of his visit he exported one of those
"McCain Moments" which have been popularized by aging supraretard,
Senator John McCain (R), Arizona, during his several trips to the
third world. These McCain Moments allow the exporter to utter USA
"foreign policy" which is contrary to the "official" foreign
policy of the present (most hated) Obama Administration.
Secretary Gates is sitting on a position that is is most unwise
to start bringing home the troops as our work there remains
undone...you know...that old Bush Doctrine which states its better
to fight them over there etc. etc. Meanwhile The Obama
Adminstration is stating a different policy and hopes to bring
"some" of our troops home....or perhaps to a more hospitable green
zone in say...Germany...anyhow this misinformational foreign
policy is bound to confuse our adversaries and I suppose that is
the best kind of foreign policy. The Raptor is positive that many
less desirous countries across the globe attempt to remain out of
US cross hairs in order to avoid a drone strike...which are cool!
How does this fit in with my envelope you ask? As many of you
know a somewhat complicated situation has developed at WWGC and
it's primarily The Raptor's fault. It started several seasons ago
when "The Roster" was nonexistent and The Raptor played his
weekend golf with guys such as Mahoney, Lupp and Chernoff. Those
members (and days) are long gone and since then, The Roster has
continued to expand as a means of providing a easy way to promote
good fellowship and a steady pace of play.
What The Raptor perceived those several seasons ago was that
there were variable numbers of players in each tee time between
6:30 and 9:30 when most WWGC members often played on the weekends
and the observer to this cluster would see a dizzying array of
groups from foursomes all the way to onesomes (who could not
forget those weekends when Rick Klien would venture out into the
mix playing by himself in the midst of the other groups)...
In order to create some order out of this chaos, The Raptor
developed The Roster and slowly but surely several "groups" have
merged into one in an effort to create a harmonious parade of
foursomes during the morning hours. As a byproduct of The Roster,
a skin game has developed which has certainly created it's own
controversies and it's probably due to how The Raptor collects the
fees...by "Feeding My Envelope"
The Raptor finds it much easier to hold open a crisp white
envelope rather than look at the prospective victim of this
extortion with puppy dog eyes in a "please play in my game
posture". Unfortunately there is a small but intrepid group of
players who have become resistant to this tactic and have
developed cock block tactics and a special walk in order to avoid "Feeding The
Envelope"...
It goes something like this...The Raptor generally goes out in
the first group...this is by design BTW...so that I can set up a
"pro's table" in either the Mulligan's Grill or the super fabulous
Asphalt Bar & Grill and collect the skin game fees. Certainly it
would be more efficient to give this task up to the Pro Shop, but
The Raptor has determined that those guys...several of whom are
actually Disney animatronic actors...would rather tend to the
serious business of protecting "The Book" from being
hijacked...
...anyhow at the point when a prospective victim is about
to have The Envelope thrust in their face they can perform a
"cock block" which in effect is the blocker stating that
they had proclaimed themselves "out of the skin game on the
first tee"...unfortunately there is no way to put on the cock
block with authority. When this cock block was performed
recently on The Raptor, the blocker became "cheesed off"
when the rules were discussed and proceeded to throw his fee on
the table rather than Feed It Into The Envelope...this was
offensive to The Raptor in that I do not appreciate money being
thrown at me as if I was some Jewish Money Changer at the Jerusalem
temple.
Another method to avoid Feeding The Envelope is to rotate the head 180
degrees in the opposite direction of The Pro's Table and go about their business
(posting a score etc.)...then to insure that they are not noticed,
they turn around and walk past the pro's table with head rotated
180 degrees towards the direction of the proshop and the exquisite hats table in the pro shop
then hustle out the door
into freedom. No doubt there is a moment when they figure
they may have been seen but that feeling soon goes away.
The Raptor is not sure how to resolve this issue but one thing
is certain...now that this "dreaded" skin game has grown...it is
certainly not going away. One solution which The Raptor has is to
have the proshop reserve a tee time in the Sat and Sun book under
the title "Dass". This time would be later in the
day, obviously - but not too
late - say about 10:00 AM. Then, when The Raptor sends out his
weekly assignment to The Roster, if the prospective dissenter is
so inclined, he can text back "Dass" and play at 10:00. This
solution could be used for a wide variety of ills including cock
blocking, head rotating, problems with flatulence or gingivitis and even that rare moment
when the player would feel more comfortable playing with...er
playing by himself.
Okay...Okay...The Raptor is having a McCain Moment...let's skip
the niceties...here it is in a nutsack...if you
consider yourself part of The Roster, it's $10...otherwise start
playing at 10:00...and if you feel that The Raptor is being "prickly"...
The Raptoram not sorry...
May 25th, 2011 - Good Afternoon...
The Raptor is bushed...this heat/humidity is
killing me!...well, it rained again yesterday...almost 2 inches!
I am mad as hell, and I am not going to take it anymore! It's
time to get serious here, Erie is such a lovely place and I've got
to figure that that one special summer day is just around the
corner...you know...75 degrees, sunny, faint whisper of wind,
puffy clouds on the horizon, a joyful experience...then it's on to
the hellish awfulness that is June, July and August.
Congrats are in order to the WWGC Inter club
Team who represented the club at LVCC on Sunday. While the team
finished third, I am sure that they can take away some solace in
knowing that they showed up and played well. Scores were: Dave
Hewett (75), Lou Natalie (78), Jim DelSandro Jr. (79), Don Fessler
Jr. (79) Lucas Marsh (82), and Jim Delsandro (Coach) (84). The
event or "toonament" was won by LVCC who were represented by Rick
Carlotti (73), Mark Noce (74), Ellery Tarbell (75), Ron Coleman
(77) , Ron DiSantis (84) and Mike Wolfe (87).
The Raptor has been accumulating email
addresses like gangbusters and as a result this update is going
out to almost 100 present and past WWGC members. I have decided
to continue to keep our past members in the loop as there is
nothing finer than keeping up with what's going on att he club.
Especially since we have a great crew including our staff of pro
shop/clubhouse personnel and the turf care crew...all four of
them...ya that's right...this season has been so bad that WWGC is
being run by four guys! Rich Rocky, Brian Tyler, Rob Gorring and
Len Zielenski...those other folks you see such as Kim, Adam,
Desiree and Jeff as well as the several guys on the mower crew are
actually high tech animatronics "actors" which were built as
Disney Studios...pretty cool huh!
Saturday's golf featured the annual WWGC
three man scramble which was won by the team of Fessler, Natalie
and a Guest (Rob Hersch) while the Net Division was won by our old
friends John Torok, Damian Knight and Rob Brim...Torok said he
sealed the deal on the final hole with a 60 foot putt!...awesome
Sandy er...John...Even though there was a constant threat of
rain on Sunday we still clocked in with 24 players. The Raptor is
really appreciative of everyone's support - I have been monitoring
the weather for this weekend and it's starting to shape up...
Get this gang...Saturday and Monday, The
Roster could clock in at 36! and Sunday is no slouch either with
at least 20 players committed at present!
If everything goes according to plan, The
Raptor is working towards our first "major" toonament of the year
on Monday - I think we will include the skins (as usual) but also
conduct a blind draw and the closest to the pins - so plan on
bringing $20.00 from your communion funds guys! Saturday and
Sunday will be standard events with gross and net skins only.
Take Care...
The Raptor
May 19, 2011-
Subject: Weekday Update
Good Morning and WTF...
Yesterday proved to be a memorable one for
The Raptor as the family gathered to help celebrate Dad's 82nd
Birthday. As is the usual case we dined at Dad's favorite joint,
The Erie Maennerchor, the place was rockin...people flocking in to
enjoy fine cuisine and chilled adult beverages served up by some
of the fiercest trolls imaginable. With the average age of the
patron base being about 79, The Raptor likes calling the place
"The Dance of the Living Dead" - hello Rodney...
For those of you out of town or perhaps going
out of town, it rained again yesterday...almost an inch.. Per PGA
Class A Pro Rich Rocky's request, The Raptor has obtained
historical data from some prior periods regarding rain and have
summarized the results at this website -
a word of caution here gang...if you are in
any way deeply religious and perhaps have your fingers crossed in
anticipation of The Rapture...which is scheduled to occur on
Saturday...you should probably not read the thread
Now on to some other news...an intrepid group
of WWGC's finest led by major domo (this is not a reference to
another word ending in omo which starts with "h") Mark Patrizia
have "slipped the surly bonds of earth" and jetted to the west
coast to play golf at one of America's finest...Pebble Beach...how
cool is that? Included on the roster are: Richard Brown, Nat
Burnside, Gary Ebach and Lew McClane of WWGC. At this writing it
is possible that young Lew McClane has been replaced by Lew Sr.
based on some emails The Raptor received yesterday. Gawd, The
Raptor is jealous...big time...Peable Beach, Spyglass Hill and I
believe a third course (Monterrey CC?) are included...to bad they
couldn't have scheduled Cypress....where is Bing Crosby when u
need him? Good luck guys and have fun!
Finally, I would like to get some feedback
from our WWGC members. This thought developed after going back to
last year when WWGC conducted a Club Championship which was won by
Ron Coleman. It should be noted that The Championship division
has lost four of the 12 players who contested for the top prize
shrinking the potential field to less than 10 players. In
addition, Dustin Colman will not be returning to defend his Blue
Tee Division Championsip and Scott Adams is not returning to
defend his division.
The Raptor has no axe to grind here...what I
am proposing is a different way to look at the club championship.
For 2011, I am proposing two divisions...the gross division and
the net division. The gross division would be contested from "the
championship tees" and the victor would be crowned "the Champion
Golfer of The Year" . If there ends up being a handful of players
competing...so be it.
The Net division would encompass all other
players and would be conducted using my previously conceived
"Nexus" rule. For the Net Division, the players will play two
rounds of golf and keep an accurate score, using the Rules Of Golf
as the guide. The Blue Tees would be designated as The Nexus and
any players who tee up from the blues would face no Handicap
adjustment. Any individuals who play from the Whites would have
their handicap lowered by two points and those players who elect
to play from the gold tees would have 4 points of adjustment. I
know...I know...wha.wha.wha...net division...
The goal...to get more participation! Just
once The Raptor would like to see a club event where all of the
members compete - If we can't do that one weekend a year - why
bother have members - so let me know what you think - thanks
The Raptor
May 16th, 2011 - Good
Afternoon....
Who amongst us has not had one of those bad
golf days similar to what happened to David Toms yesterday. That
putt he missed couldn't have been more than 4 feet, yet David
turned it into a Thurman Munson. Toms had certainly led us on a
wild ride yesterday. The Raptor was impressed with how Toms
stayed in the game subsequent to the disastrous bogey on hole
#16. I am still unsure why he elected to go for the green but
that was water under a bridge. Then, in a total ironic situation,
Toms nutted a drive on hole #18, only to end up in a freakin
divot!....r u kidding me! This has to be the most awful rule in
the game! The same thing happened to Earnie Els in the 1994 US
Open at Oakmont. Yeah...Yeah...rub of the green...sacred bond
with the rules...Mary Queen of Scotts...Old Tom Morris...Harry
Vardon...Bobby Jones....blah....blah....blah....blah...gfys!
David was able to convert though and his
poley putt which was as dramatic as Tiger's 2008 final hole putt
at the US Open was a thing of beauty. I suppose that Toms may
have gotten too aggressive with his birdie chance on the playoff
hole and it did not appear that he charged the first putt. But,
now that that's over, we can all get ready for the next event of
consequence....no it's not the Memorial...it's the US Open at
Congressional...c'mon! can't somebody from America step up and win
this thing!
Now, on to the buzz at WWGC...Saturday was a
solid as opposed to a shank with a final field of almost 30
players signing up for a chance at glory and what happened?...well
Jimmy DelSandro Jr, one of our new members for 2011 ran the table
and picked up three skins on holes 1, 2 and 8! Wow! what a
story....The Raptor has never seen anything like
it!....Congratulations Jim! That was some fine playing! The
course played decent, even though there had been some overnight
rain and to tell the truth, The Raptor was amazed that it didn't
rain on Saturday...
Sunday was a different story as rain hit hard
starting at about 9:00 and it got cold in a hurry...there had been
a handful of players who started but every one came off the golf
course once the heavy stuff started falling. This is a tough pill
to swallow, The forecast looks pretty bleak for the next several
days and Memorial Day is just around the corner so hang in there
and get your rain gear organized.
The Raptor also noted that many of the
putting greens have matured from the punching process...while they
are not lightning quick they are not as bumpy as a week ago. So
that is a positive. The Raptor made extra effort to fix a few
ball marks over the weekend. I am still encouraging the same from
the rest of the gang.
This coming weekend, two events are on tap.
Saturday, WWGC is staging the Spring Scramble...it looks like a
positive turn out with about 20 three man teams signed up.. Let's
hope the weather holds.
Sunday, WWGC will be represented by six
members at the annual EDGA Interclub. This year's event is being
contested at LVCC which will no doubt present a tough challenge.
Our team will include: Dave Hewett, Don Fessler, Lucas Marsh, Jim
DelSandro, Jim DelSandro, Jr. and Lou Natalie. Best of luck and
play well guys.
The Raptor
May 13, 2011 From Bill Reichert - Subject:
The Honourable Company of Edinburgh Erie Golfers
Here yee Here yee!
Let it be known that upon this day, there shall be no whining or
cajoling about the fairness of the system we all know to be the
Raptor game!
Failure to abide may result in a Medieval stoning!
Any unfairness that may be a result of the handicap system will be
evened out by the unforgiving and sometimes torturous golf course.
Any success of birdie from any tee should be celebrated as a
victory of man vs. course.
Hence, the thought of appropriately renaming the course from
Whispering Woods to Screaming Trees has been put on the table!
The league of extraordinary golfer men which meets weekly has
identified the following key people that shall be knighted and
from this day forward be able to spread words of wisdom in
blasphemy for all to read!
Rich Rocky- Sir Golfs real Good
Rob Goring- Sir Veillance of Course
Ray Kallner- Sir Loin of Pork
Raptor- Sir Ver of Toonements
Bill Reichert- Sir Shaggs a Lot
John Torok- Sir Coors Light
If anyone objects or would like to nominate any others- speak now
or forever hold your peace
And to think, we just signed up to play golf..... 
These are the actual original rules of golf that were first
documented
|
The Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers-
The 13 FIRST RULES OF GOLF - 1744 -1745
1. You must tee your ball
within one club’s length of hole.
2. Your tee must be on
the ground.
3. You are not to change
the ball you strike off the tee.
4. You are not to remove
Stones, Bones or any Break Club, for sake of playing your ball,
except upon the Fair Green and that only within a club’s length of
your ball.
5. If your Ball come
among watter or any watery filth, you are at liberty to take out
your Ball and, brining it behind the hazard and teeing it, you may
play it with any club and allow your Adversary a Stroke, for so
getting out your ball.
6. If your balls be found
anywhere touching one another you are to lift the first ball, till
you play the last.
7. At Holing, you are to
play your Ball honestly for the Hole, and not play upon your
adversary’s Ball, not lying in your way to the Hole.
8. If you should lose
your Ball, by its being taken up, or any other way you are to go
back to the Spot, where you struck last, and drop another Ball,
and allow your adversary a stroke for the misfortune.
9. No man at Holing his
Ball is to be allowed, to mark his way to the Hole with his club
or anything else.
10. If a Ball be stopp’d by
any person, Horse, Dog or anything else, the Ball so stopp’d must
be played where it lyes.
11. If you draw your Club, in
order to Strike and proceed so far in the Stroke, as to be
bringing down your Club: If then your Club shall break, in any
way, it is to be Accounted a Stroke.
12. He whose Ball lyes
farthest from the Hole is obliged to play first.
13. Neither Trench, Ditch or
Dyke, made for the presentation of the Links, nor the Scholar’s
Holes or the Soldier’s Lines, Shall be accounted a Hazard. But
the ball is to be taken out and tee’d and play’d with any iron
club.
13b. If thy Tee shot has fallen off
the course on the first tee, there shall be no Breakfast Ball
played and the Hitter of the ball should storm down the Fairway
mumbling filth and slang, laugh about it and write a double bogey
on the scorecard
|
May 9th, 2011 - Good Morning and
Happy Monday...
This past weekend was a tale of two
extremes...on Saturday, the Roster came out in force and a full
field of 32 players eventually showed up. On the other hand,
Sunday's Roster had a meager turnout of 14 players...not bad
considering that it was Mother's Day and as a result many spouses
needed to lay around like a beached whale all day...stuffing bon
bons in their craw while hubby cooked breakfast and or performed
other wise droidal activities...the Raptor abhors holidays
especially artificially created ones which are designed primarily
to benefit the Greeting Card, Florist and restaurant industry.
Oh well...the only highlight The Raptor can
safely state is that I played like crap. In addition scores from
many others were a little high. My driver was off and I missed a
few short putts....The Raptor canned a monster putt on Hole # 8 on
Sunday which was the only par out of 14 players and hence...a
skin...nice!
Here is a quick heads up...on Sat May 21st,
WWGC will conduct the annual Spring Scramble and the proshop has
blocked off tee times for the Scramble starting at about 8:00.
This event is bound to cause considerable consternation amongst
low handicap "playahs" since their only goal in life is to torture
themselves into believing that the course record in conceivably in
their sights...keep dreaming Bishop Pickering...meanwhile the
remainder of the group is content to know that their next majestic
slice out of bounds or three putt is only moments away...
as a result of this situation, the pro shop
has provided a small block of tee times for members who avoid
scrambles. The Raptor has elected to get in to the
Scramble...with two guests.. I also noted that some of The Roster
are signed up for the Scramble...as of this writing I have booked
no member tee times for Saturday May21st...so...if you are
inclined to think course record I suppose you have some
options...you could immediately contact the proshop and determine
if any tee times remain open for the 21st - or form a group and
play in the Scramble. Anyhow for those who do not want to play on
Saturday May 21st...please give me heads up for Sunday May 22nd so
I can make sure to book enough tee times...
If there are individuals on The Roster who
need help putting together a Scramble Group, The Raptor can help
with that as well. Carpe diem...
May 2nd, 2011 Good Morning...
It was another strong weekend at WWGC with 28
players on the roster for Saturday and a "solid" group of 20
players for Sunday. I use the term solid since the weather on
Sunday was questionable but a dedicated group showed up and played
through some spotty showers which were a minor nuisance for a hole
or two. Based on discussions with Rob Brim, the Town Crier is
here to tell you that Rob is suffering from a condition know as
"swamp ass". This is as a result of the repeated visits to
Chiplotle and Moes Grill with the subsequent explosive diarrhea
bouts.
Saturdays big winner was Rich Brown, who went
low on holes 12 and 15 . And lets not forget Rick Chase who
scored a gross/net award on hole #3.
This fate was duplicated by Tom Tomechko on
Sunday and has The Raptor wondering about WWGC's "Make Hay Corner"
of the second, third, fourth and fifth holes. The Raptor tries
hard on this section of the course as they present an easy path
towards a birdie. But it seems that week in and week out, there
is always an award on one of those holes, if not all of them.
With a field of 25 to 30 players you would think that there would
be more than one birdie but that hasn't been the case...you guys
need to step up and make some golf shots!....as Bluto said "what's
this lying around chit!"
On Sunday, Dave Devine, a guest of Lew
McClain, Sr. scored a birdie 2 on hole #2 to pick up an award,
while Jim Piekanski did the same on hole #11...way to go guys!
An interesting side note to Saturday's play
was the impressive tee sheet which had play from 7:30 all the way
to past 3:00....that's a lot of golf and the management has to be
pleased with the results. It was also the first weekend that the
putting surfaces had matured this season and The Raptor can attest
that they were very true that I made a LOT of putts...a special
note goes out to the guys up at the range who brought in Stack and
Tilt guru's Andy Plummer and Mike Bennett (I think) to provide
instruction on this fast growing technique. Since The Raptor has
a grooved swing that requires no tampering, it wasn't necessary
for me to check it out but I noted that there were tons of people
up there which was way cool.
It goes to show you that WWGC is a happening
place with lot's of potential!
And that brings me to the subject of this
update....ball marks on putting greens. For starters, The Raptor
would like to encourage everyone in the group to fix a few extra
marks when you play to help keep those putting surfaces true. I
can attest that I am soooo bad that the numbers of opportunities
to play a full shot into the greens is slim and none but, I make
an effort to fix a mark or two per hole. Based on some reading I
did on the web, there is a recommendation to avoid damaging the
roots of the turf when fixing the mark...practice makes
perfect...The Raptor plans to try to fix 3 marks per green
starting this weekend. Hope The Roster can do the same.
I already have 27 confirmations for Sat with
several on The Roster still to respond. So, I have reserved 32
spots...I think we can fill them so I am looking forward to
another great weekend!
The Raptor
April 27th, 2011 - Good Morning,
What a beautiful start to the day with the
bright sunshine and warm temps lightening the hearts of the Erie
area, thoughts can turn to wasting yet another day trading emails
and insults back and forth...so...
Jim Piekanski's eloquent passage which was
submitted earlier had a very important piece which was the
clubhouse thread. It's apparent that clubhouse dreams are on
everyone's mind so submitted for your approval is my clubhouse
dream.
First it seems logical to place the clubhouse
over in that green area adjacent to hole #18. Using conventional
logic, the clubhouse should be...check that...must be exquisite.
It should tie in with the optics in place up at the range....kind
of a cabin feel eh?...The entrance should be placed in such a way
to give the individual a sense of grandness reserved for the rich
and famous. There should be a lantern wielding lawn jockey
announcing the entrance and it should be programmed to say "good
morning sir" as you walk by.
Perhaps there could be wings...to the left
the proshop, to the right the ultra exclusive locker room which is
staffed by an attendant who opens the door for each visitor. The
proshop will not only contain the latest equipment and fashion
accessories, but will also showcase a launch monitor and simulator
as well as a nicely contoured practice putting green. The locker
room for gals will feature the traditional potty and... a bedai...as
an added feature, Adam Scott will be on permanent assignment to
issue foot massages and shoulder rubs. Over at the men's side,
Jessica Simpson and Carmen Electra will be handing out the towels
and performing certain "services" including a shoe shine...
The now famous (or infamous) Asphalt Bar &
Grill will have to be eliminated in favor of a smartly designed
patio with awning. Each table will incorporate a built-in
refrigeration unit which contains high end craft brews and pre
mixed martinis as well as shrimp cocktails. Periodically,
waitresses dressed as "french maids" and waiters outfitted as
"Chippendale" dancers will check to insure that all is well. All
food and drinks will be complimentary. The view from the patio
will be sweeping and should be built in such a way in order to see
the action on both the 9th and the 18th holes.
For the discriminating fine diner, a trendy
boutique restaurant will occupy the top floor or "penthouse" this
area will be accessed by an escalator...along the way, the walls
will feature pictures of the golf course as well as Zack Polanski
relieving himself down by Zahn's Run...
The carts will be converted to ultra spacious
electric models with a refrigeration unit as well as GPS hole
mapping and scoring displays and a picnic area will be set up
where the present practice green is to book loud raucous special
golf events (after all - the tiki bar has to be used)...
or the trailer can just be moved over
there...
The Raptor
April 26th, 2011 - I can't
resist.....
|
1 |
Clean up façade of Trailer/ProShop/Grill
Room/Locker Room – looks messy...If there is going to be a
pond in formt of it, put out a few small rubber duckys or
boats. |
|
2 |
Get more trash barrels as the ones near
the exquisite tiki bar fill up and look bloated |
|
3 |
Build a bocce court or bean bag toss for
old fat people who can’t play golf any more |
|
4 |
Get rid of the geese. Don’t buy dog. Use
permanent methods of eradication which include a machete, hack
off their honking beaks |
|
5 |
Groom the hillside at #4 to be consistent
with rough as opposed to gorse |
|
6 |
Develop a ball mark fixing crew |
|
7 |
Remove loose divots daily and fill with a
sand/soil/seed mixture to renew the fairways |
|
8 |
Place growing fabric on unused portions
of par three tee boxes to promote fresh turf more rapidly |
|
9 |
Move hazard line on 7 closer to tree line
– convert high grass to manageable rough |
|
10 |
Get rid of the taint on 8 |
|
11 |
Reduce size of “bog” in front of 8 green
by ½ to give us a chance to go for green but still be able to
chip on for a par |
|
12 |
Build French drain system on 9 to
eliminate the creekbed down in the valley left of the fairway |
|
13 |
Eliminate or reduce “bog” on ten – it is
a dangerous, time wasting piece of goofiness especially with
all the dead logs which are entwined in the "heather" |
|
14 |
Totally redo the cart path system at 11
to get carts up to the respective tee boxes – use soil from
project to fill in vortex on 15 |
|
15 |
Erect sign on Hole #12 to hole #16
officially designating “The Raptor's Ravine” as…The Raptor’s
Ravine |
|
16 |
Fill in the vortex |
|
17 |
Improve drainage on #17 fairway around
180 to 200 yards from putting surface. Also make the
meandering hazard a more definitive and attractive hazard at
cost of $100,000.00 |
|
18 |
Fill in creekbed on 18 which is 90 to 100
yards from putting surface |
Have a gereat day...The Raptor
April 26th, 2011 - Subject: RE:
Weekend Update
I have to defend the Raptor because I look so
forward to his recaps every Monday.
The “Raptors” comments are not based on
“opinions” but the fact that WW is down to 70+ members after
opening with a waiting list. The course is fantastic. Anyone who
dislikes the “course” dislikes the fact that their inflated sense
of golfing self worth is usually humbled off the first tee. WW
has a membership retention problem and it’s not because haters are
converting the flock. If you like to play good golf it’s the best
deal in town so what’s going on?
Does Torok’s small penis have something to do
with it?
RAY KALLNER
Apr 26, 2011 9:16 am -
Subject: Re: Weekend Update
Hi Guys!
I feel that I need to jump into a few things here. I have
refrained from comment the past few weeks when these emails keep
popping up but I believe it is now time to here some info from
me.
John,
"All is not lost????" I do believe you are a little out of line
with the comments about WWGC lately. Did I miss something the
last few weeks? Did the course turn into a goat ranch? Did we
change the holes? Is the airport coming in to put in a new runway
and eliminating the back nine? I think you are making statements
about WWGC based on opinions from "Erie" people and even more than
that "Erie haters". I found myself extremely concerned about Erie
peoples opinions the first few years we were open but came to a
realization that our business is 50% supported by people from
outside of Erie County as well. You all also have to realize that
we will never lose the "New Kid in Town" label or how I like to
call it the "Scarlet golf letter". I honor and respect our own
members opinions much more than any others. You are the ones who
play it the most and don't have the tarnished opinions.
Don't worry about what other clubs members
say about the place and enjoy it for what it is. If you could
stand behind the counter with us someday, or better yet come to
the out of town golf shows in the winter with us and hear the
comments from people who don't have altered opinions about WWGC
you would be amazed at what they say. I used to get all caught up
in what certain "Erie big shots" had to say about WWGC but I don't
pay to much attention to any of it anymore. I have thought long
and hard about sending out an email that I received from the
Executive Vice President/Chief of Operations from the PGA Tour
concerning WWGC last summer. Andy Pazder originally from Erie
helped me forget and dismiss many out of line comments about WWGC
from the local haters. Andy believes that WWGC is a fantastic
golf course and said comments that would make all of you members
extremely proud to be part of WWGC. I think we all can say that
Andy has seen the best of the best and his opinion is one that
really matters. You have to ask yourself this question concerning
outside opinions.... If you picked up WWGC and moved it to
Pittsburgh what would these people have to say about it? I guess
I want all of you to not worry about what members we lost or who
didn't rejoin. Let's be the bigger people in all of this and not
take any of it personal. Let's not get caught up in the golfing
politics of Erie, Pennsylvania. Who cares if a local country club
member is playing here or a local country club person quits after
9 holes because they lost 6 balls, or another country club member
was upset because we didn't have Grey Goose Vodka at the turn.
With this horrific start weather wise we need
all the support of both members and guests to make 2011 a great
year! We enjoy each and every one of you and hope that you guys
all see that when you come out to the club. I personally want to
thank each of you who are either long term members, new members,
guests or guys who might play it once a year. We cherish your
support and business and are very proud to be affiliated with
WWGC. I am optimistic that we will have a rebound in weather, a
great support from the members, hotel packages, and daily play to
make a slow start of 2011 to another tremendous year. Hang in
there everyone golf season is soon to start and hopefully not end
until December!
Rich Rocky
PGA Director of Golf
Whispering Woods Golf Club
814-838-9942
April 25th, 2011 - Good Morning,
It was another interesting weekend over
yonder at WWGC as play was conducted both Holy Saturday and Easter
Sunday. First, it should be noted that there was a "solid"
turnout on Saturday with 14 players completing 18 holes and only 4
cancellations.
There were no heroics to speak of similar to
Jim Piekanski's hole-in-one from last weekend but The Raptor
picked up a rare skin on Sunday with a par on hole #8. And Lew
McClane, Sr. stepped up to the pay window with back to back birds
on hole #5 and 6. The bird on 6 was the result from a lengthy
putt of perhaps 40 feet...Unfortunately, Sundays roster was
extremely thin with only 9 players but who could blame the
no-shows...the weather was questionable and there was a threat of
rain all morning. The heavy stuff never materialized but it did
drizzle on a few occasions.
The course is on the wet side from all this
rain and The Raptor noted a gaggle of Lawrence Park players
toiling on Saturday at WWGC once the sun came out. Apparently,
The Park is "under water" but The Raptor wasn't able to confirm
that. Still, for "former" WWGC members to come out to WWGC versus
trudging around LPGC gives The Raptor "hope" that all is not lost
and that WWGC can still be a go to place to play a quality round
of golf and pick up a delicious Smith's hot dog at the turn!
Moving on...this Saturday, the weather may
actually be nice and The Raptor has received numerous
confirmations filling up at least 7 foursomes...this is nice.
The Roster now has over 50 players and The
Raptor is dreaming of the day when we can get everyone up to the
club for a spectacular and fabulous "toonament"
Looking forward to the weekend and its only
Monday...
The Raptor
April 18th, 2011…Good Morning,
For many of you this past weekend was a
washout (or windout) and as a result you probably spent time
working around the house or perhaps watching a little NASCAR racin
where Jimmie Johnson came out of nowhere to pick up the top prize
at Talledegha. You may have even cuddled with your spouse which
is sad...
The Raptor is here to tell you that there is
great news to report as WWGC member Jie Piekanski recorded his
first ever hole-in-one at the 6th hole on Sunday. Jim was playing
in a group that included Lew McClane, Sr., George Carter and Lou
Stack. The shot was executed from the white tee box to a white
flagstick in the middle right section of the putting surface at
roughly 178 yards with a #4 rescue club. Subsequent to the round
eight of us gathered at The Pro's Table to celebrate with adult
beverages and some friendly jocularity and good will. Thus adding
to the lore and history that is WWGC...
The weekend weather could best be described
as raw...even The Raptor was skeptical of a complete round on
Sunday as our group of The Raptor, Richard Brown, Alan Hosford,
Lew McClane, Jr. and Frank Fatica made our way towards the first
tee. Naturally once we got on the golf course we were happy in
our work and hardly noticed the chill until the hail/rain storm at
the 12th tee. After that weather pattern blew through, our groups
played the final 6 holes in some fierce wind which was certainly
noticeable on holes 15 and 16. While birdies were few and in some
cases a single par was good for skin, The Raptor was able to cash
in after two superb shots on hole #17 culminating in a tricky 15
foot birdie putt!
With Easter coming up The Raptor is sure that the majority of The
Roster will be spending time with family (or perhaps donning
sackcloth to raise donations for the poor...and the sick...), but
there are spots available both Sat and Sun if you are interested
in playing in what looks to be another miserable weather
weekend...The Raptor will send out some inquiries to check on your
availability to play.
Cheers!
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